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Post by kenny on Feb 17, 2006 16:31:52 GMT -5
-SCRIPT DELETED-
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Post by Eric T. Jones on Feb 17, 2006 18:21:24 GMT -5
There isn't a problem with the entirety of Scene 6, but that it runs too long and distracts from the main plot and premise.
Fix up some scenes where you tend to repeat words, such as:
Scene 3: "ROGER -Mental illness. I know, it may be strange at first, but we have devised a cure. Our normal field inoculation culture is very limited. It is composed of a strand of bacteria that attacks sections of the creative lobe of the brain. However, this does not carry on into the next generation, as it is a strand of bacteria, and not a genetic virus. However, we have a new strain cousin designed to make up for the shortcomings of the field strain: a genetic viral. It can spread from generation to generation, meaning that we will have much more control over the public at large with the new strain than the old. However, this strain has not been sufficiently tested..."
(the use of "however"s, which might have been intentional, will provoke audience to MST3k the scene, with more "however, ______" and "however, ________")
Scene 5: "HOWARD No. You’ve never made a mistake before. That’s going to cost you.
ROGER No, please don’t-"
(this was an error I made in the screenplay for "Visions", where I would have consecutive lines, again, start with the same word. Possibly delete the first "no" from Roger's line, and it'll sound fine)
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Post by kenny not logged on Feb 17, 2006 19:32:06 GMT -5
Thanks. Any other problems?
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Post by Eric T. Jones on Feb 23, 2006 18:05:00 GMT -5
Now, do you want the film done in 1.33:1, 1.78:1, or 2.35:1? If you want 2.35:1 scope, then I'll need to prepare the mattes on the camera's monitor.
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Post by bluesabre1 on Feb 23, 2006 23:58:45 GMT -5
I think we'll iron a few lines out on set, but that always happens. As far as the plot and such goes, if you're pleased with it Kevin, then I guess that's what we'll have to go ahead with. You're running with a kind of cliche of "creativity is bad" to begin with. Of course, having thought of that you still went through with the film so I guess you're pleased with it. Be prepared for things to get out of hand, prepare for this film to be as bad as LFM and be pleasantly suprised. I think it's a bit risky. My lines are perilously corny, but everything else seems nice and decently tense. If you could go back and rewrite some of my lines I'd be intersted to see what you could come up with. Just a few clips, word changes. Simple things here and there that could make sloppy, corny dialogue slick and mean. Keep in mind as well that these locations are a bit ambitious, I'm not sure if we can facilitate all of this, and I wouldn' like to go half way only to discover we can't film the rest.So until we find places to film everything, I don't think we should go beyond scene 0. As for being pleasantly surprised in comparison to LFM think of it a few ways. Foremost, this film can be better cinematographically. It has some good chances for great shots. Secondly, this film is a step forward, after this we'll be able to do action stories with greater complexity, and yes that is a step forward. This film offers valuable lessons in pacing and editing too. How do you put all this content in without feeling too rushed? We'll see.
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Post by Eric T. Jones on Feb 24, 2006 15:32:28 GMT -5
I have done a rough edit of the trailer, using only the clips that we shot (no titles), and re-adjusting the frame for 2.40:1 scope (similar to 1.66:1 reframe, except instead of pushing horizontally, it's pushing vertically). The shots do look quite good, though there's one choppy edit, some of the dialogue is hard to hear (mostly in the distant shots).
After the final trunk shot in the scene, do you want me to put a white-on-black "Productivity" title, or do you want me to do that "Start Menu" shot as in the script?
(and it is nice to be able to work in scope again; two things I might buy pretty soon for my camcorder are wide-angle lenses so we can move the camera in closer (Richie's is too big for my camera (though it fits on my old one), and I can't find anamorphics that fit my camcorder) and an external shotgun mike (with a boom mike, there's the danger of it going into the frame, and in the "unused" portions, leaves less freedom to re-frame the shot in post-production (this is one case where I think "Super 35" is a good thing, though I'd love to shoot in anamorphic one day)))
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Post by kenny on Feb 24, 2006 17:40:13 GMT -5
Likely the "Start Menu" first, then white on black message: "Go to work in G-3." Think that line isn't catchy enough? Then put something better. Send me the trailer before you post it on DMI, though, because I want imput on every step of the process. (Also, today's shoot was very good, with classic in jokes as proof)
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Post by Eric T. Jones on Feb 24, 2006 18:13:11 GMT -5
Yup, of course I wouldn't post it without prior consent. I didn't even post my "Visions" trailer until I got feedback- treating other films like I would treat my own.
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Post by kenny on Feb 26, 2006 18:03:22 GMT -5
Sooo. Can you send me the trailer rough cut TODAY?
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Post by Eric T. Jones on Feb 26, 2006 19:05:05 GMT -5
Yeah, I'll render the rough cut; just the clips, none of the effects or titles (though they are re-framed in glorious 2.40:1).
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Post by k3nny not logged on Mar 9, 2006 15:09:38 GMT -5
Little cast update: Hanna or some girl that doesn't hate me or kick me in the shins every time I come near should play the asassain in the script.
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Post by Hanna(h) on Mar 9, 2006 19:15:45 GMT -5
Hmm, I'll see what I can do, but as my schedule is getting a bit tight...we'll see. Let me know when you're thinking of shooting, and I'll let you know. Or I may be able to find a "replacement".
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Post by kenny on Mar 9, 2006 19:38:30 GMT -5
As far as I know, Productivity filming is going to take a while. It might be a summer project. (Bad news.)
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Post by iblvinathgcldlv on Mar 9, 2006 20:49:43 GMT -5
kenny, after reviewing the script, I would (1) like to ask if you have anyone lined up to play William(or whatever his name was, cant remember, and (2) if you sont, then I would like to...
lemme know ASAP
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Post by Hanna(h) on Mar 10, 2006 0:31:30 GMT -5
Summer project? Hmm. As I said, tell me when, and I'll let you know, since I'll be travelling a bit, and I'm hoping to get a job this summer.
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